Ketchup is God's man juice
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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