Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
