If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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