I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
