I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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