Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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