He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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