I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
