Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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