So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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