It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
