Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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