at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
