omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Text me some of your sweat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
