we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
