Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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