great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
