It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
