you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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