He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
