I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
