is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
