oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
