I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
