i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
