Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
