No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
