i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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