I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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