yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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