I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
