So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
