How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
