No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Drake has all the answers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
