So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
