I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
