i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
