Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
