After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
