Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
