also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
