Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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