Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
