Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
