Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Houston, we have a squirter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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