The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're breaking my sexual little heart
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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