Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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