Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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