Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
