The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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