she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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