so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
