No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
