This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
