you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
