I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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