Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
