We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
