You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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