don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
