I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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