Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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