i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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